I know what you may be thinking.  "An entry about sex?  On a blog for church planting and Ethnos vision?"  

Yes, it's a bit off-topic at first glance.  But if you've been on the path of following Jesus and serving others, even for a few days, you know that questions abound concerning how Jesus should or shouldn't relate to our personal sex life.  

This weekend, I'm giving a talk about it at Ethnos SD- check the archives to listen in. Here, in this blog post, I want to share some more thoughts about how we can personally pursue - and help others as well- sexual wholeness. Much of this comes from my personal journey and experience. This isn't comprehensive (again, check out the archives for more), but I hope it's helpful.

1. Understand What Has Happened to Me in Jesus

When we give our lives to Jesus, we are given a new “heart” and “spirit” (Ezekiel 36:26); we become “new creations” and are “born again” (2 Corinthians 5:17, John 3).  However, for most of us our physical bodies did not go through a discernible or sudden change; they remained the same, more or less. But the power of sin over our bodies has changed and been broken; we need to now surrender our bodies daily to Jesus to experience His transformation (Romans 6:1-14). Realizing that we are indeed new people will keep us away from self-condemnation. Realizing we need to surrender our physical bodies daily to Jesus will give lay a foundation and give us a path forward.

Try This: Take a moment every morning to verbally give God each part of your body and ask Him to transform and use it for His purposes.

2. Embrace Wisdom and Boundaries

In Proverbs 5-7, the author tells the young man to “keep to a path far from her [the adulteress, the woman of temptation], do not go near the door of her house.”  (Prov. 5:8).  Clear boundaries and guidelines away from tempting situations, developed and shared with those in community (see below), are foundational to moving forward. 

Try This: For example, If I am logging on to a porn site at 1:00 am, typically on days where I am exhausted and frustrated, I come up with some guidelines with a close friend to move beyond that temptation. I could: 1) agree to turn off media by 12 midnight, 2) have my friend call me at 12:15am to see how I’m feeling and pray with me, 3) disable access to my computer at that time, giving the access code to my spouse or roommate, 4) make sure on days I’m frustrated I sleep by 11:30pm.  

3. Deal with My Past

There are definite times and situations where our sexual deviance is driven by deep- rooted issues of the past, and so many times it is helpful to seek professional help or intense ongoing mentoring for a season.  This should be discerned together with a community of peers and mentors. For example, I worked with someone who started his masturbation habit as a child as a way to comfort himself as he listened to his parents fight at night.  Understanding that helped us address issues of hurt and forgiveness with parents and family, giving us a clearer path for freedom and transformation.

4. Find Pleasure in God

Our deepest sin as individuals is turning away from God as the source of ultimate joy, pleasure, satisfaction, worth, and comfort.  Realizing this, and beginning to turn your heart toward God in the midst of this, is key.  This is about living out Psalm 16:11. Larry Crabb’s Inside Out, Harry Schaumburg’s False Intimacy, are some key texts. 

Try This: When I’m in the “heat” of my temptation, turn to God in prayer and tell him directly “God, you said that in your presence is fullness of joy, and in your right hand are pleasures forevermore [Psalm 16:11]. Show me how you are more pleasurable, how you are better, than this tempting pleasure that I am drawn to.”

5. Attend to My Mind

As mentioned in #1, when we give our lives to Jesus, we get a new heart and are actually new people. However, our bodies/”flesh” need to go through a transformation process. This includes daily work on our minds- what we think and direct our attention to (Romans 12:1-3).   

Try This: Let’s be honest, the media we take in does affect us. Take a whole week and note all the media you take in- music, TV, web browsing, etc.- and write down the images and messages on sex you get. At the end of the week, take an honest look at the list and ask God to show you what needs to change. Also, take a look at some key Bible passages about sex and the Jesus life. Commit two or three to memory.

6. Embrace Community: Confession and Heat-of-the-Moment

Hebrews 3:13 tells us to “encourage one another daily… so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”   Community is essential to our growth.  Honest relationships where confession of sins can be done without fear of rejection and judgment are crucial.  But what is even more important are relationships where you can literally call each other in the heat of the moment of temptation.

Try This: If you’re deep into some sexual behavior that you can’t get out of, a good place to start is a sexual addiction group. Another place to begin this sort of community is through your church. As a pastor or small group leader for help in setting up this sort of relationship.

7. Engage Spiritual Warfare

We cannot discount the fact that, though much of our battle with sexual sin and brokenness has to deal with our broken bodies and desires, there is also a dimension of the spiritual realm at work (Ephesians 6).  For more, see Neil Anderson’s Bondage Breaker or ask Ethnos for Freedom Prayer materials.

8. Be Patient and Embrace the Process

We can beat ourselves up unfairly when we forget that becoming like Jesus is a process.  Years passed with our minds and bodies bent a certain way; it will take time for them to turn Godward.  But change is possible…